


Without You I'm a Lost Boy

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Cutting, M/M, kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 21:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1618370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if one specific person hadn’t come into it? How different things would be and who would have filled that void the person was meant to fill? Sometimes I wish I hadn’t met the love of my life. Without ever meeting him maybe I would have been able to be normal. Live like a normal seventeen-year-old boy should.  Going to house parties on the weekends, and excelling in school. But, nothing about my life is normal anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You I'm a Lost Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for Lashton, and actually first time writing anything new in awhile, so comments and kudos would be greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy this.

Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if one specific person hadn’t come into it? How different things would be and who would have filled that void the person was meant to fill? Sometimes I wish I hadn’t met the love of my life. Without ever meeting him maybe I would have been able to be normal. Live like a normal seventeen-year-old boy should. Going to house parties on the weekends, and excelling in school. But, nothing about my life is normal anymore.

***

Last night my boyfriend of the last ten months and I had a blowout fight. Names were called and things were said that should have never escaped our mouths. After approximately three hours of nonstop screaming, the police showed up at our hotel room door. Forcing me to leave the room Ashton and I share. Michael took my unused bed, as I was told to sleep in his and Calum’s room. However, I didn’t do as much sleeping as I did thinking.

_“You fucking whore! Why did you keep the fact that you weren’t a virgin from me until now? You lied Luke! You told me I took your fucking virginity, like you did with mine!”_

_“Ash, I—“_

_“Save it you lousy slut! Why did I ever fall in love with someone as pathetic and a failure as you in the first place?”_

Those were the last words he had said to me before the police came and ended our fight. Of all the things in the world, I lied to Ashton about something as special as my virginity. If I had only ever told him the truth from the beginning, it may have saved our relationship. But, I ruined it all for us.

_“failure”_

That word continues to replay in my mind as the sun begins to make its daily journey high into the sky.

Knowing Calum like the back of my hand sometimes has its advantages. Especially in cases like right now. As I slowly make my way out of Michael’s bed, I set a timer for thirty minutes from now. The time Calum typically arises from his slumber to grab breakfast and work a five-mile run into his morning.

Slowly I make my way over to the hotel bathroom. To no surprise a pile of dirty clothing and towels lye on the tiled floor. I quickly yet carefully close the door and lock it. Double-checking so that no one can come in.

“You fucking whore, you deserve what you have coming to you” I say to myself as I look at my reflection in the mirror. Never have I seen someone as hideous as I am.

Carefully, I take off the back portion of my phone case, which doubles as a handy storage container. Inside is where the only thing that can calm me is kept. My blade.

“Will you live up to your name today? Failure.” I whisper softly to myself as I grab ahold of the cold metallic sharp blade. For as long as I have done this, there never once has been a time I did not get chills down my spine.

Looking down at my left wrist, I slowly drag the sharp edge across my delicate skin, vertically down my wrist. Creating a fresh cut on me. I repeat this seven more times, as the blood beads up on top of all the cuts. The pain attempts to break the fortress that was built from the numbing sensation caused by the argument to no avail. Nothing is strong enough to break that. Like I usually do after marking up my skin, I slide to the floor. Watching as the blood continues to trickle out of me.

_“Pathetic and a failure”_

Ashton was right; I am nothing more than pathetic and a complete failure. Heck I can’t even kill myself properly. How was I supposed to be anything more in life if I always fucked up the things most important to me?

Startling me is a knock at the door.

“Luke, you in there?” Calum asks groggily.

Quickly I look around for anything that could cover up my freshly made self inflicted wounds. Finding one of Michael’s sweatshirts at the bottom of the dirty clothing pile, I throw it on.

“Yah Cal, gimme a second please?” I say as I get up off the floor. Looking at myself in the mirror, I turn on the faucet to the sink and splash some cool water on my face.

“C’mon Luke!” Calum says as he begins to bang on the door. “I need to take a piss, and unless you want to clean it off the floor, you better hurry the fuck up!”

With that I take one last look at myself in the mirror, whisper “worthless failure”, and open the bathroom door.

***

The rest of the morning passes by in one big blur. Calum left the hotel for his jog around eight, and didn’t return until ten. He said it was because he was trying to clear his head after what happened last night. Yet, I can’t help but think that he just wanted to be away from me. While he was out, Michael came into what is supposed to be his and Calum’s room. He began shuffling around in his suitcase until he found an outfit to wear today. Thankfully, he brought my suitcase over with him so I wouldn’t need to face Ashton.

Currently I am on my way to tonight’s venue in Dallas. To make our way from Los Angeles, the group had to take a plane. Typically I would sit with Ashton, however I am with Calum, a few rows behind Michael and Ash. For the last two hours of the journey it has remained silent between Calum and I. Every time a stewardess would walk by, I would fake being asleep. That is until Calum gently tapped my shoulder a few seconds ago.

“What Cal, can’t you see I’m busy?” I scoff at him, looking the other way. Normally I would never try to ignore Calum, as he is my best friend, but I am just not in the mood to talk to anyone.

“You’re about as busy as I am. We are just sitting here. Luke, I get you are upset about what happened between you and Ashton last night, but c’mon mate. We are playing a gig tonight for a crowd of a couple thousand. You can’t be so bummed out. I know it’s hard to pretend, but just try to act happy. Please for me?” he says practically begging me toward the end.

“Fine” is all I am able to mutter out of me.

***

An hour later we arrived at DFW Airport. As we made our way toward the baggage claim, a few fans stopped me for pictures. Smiling as best as I could, I got the pictures done with.

The ride over to the venue is a short yet rather silent one. I picked to sit in the front of the bus with our driver. He didn’t mind much when I turned my music on, knowing it was blaring over the headphones covering my ears. The screaming of my favorite artists rang through my ears, creating an aching sensation, yet the pain to me wasn’t even enough.

As soon as we arrived I took off to our dressing room backstage ignoring the fans outside. It was Ashton’s job to stop for pictures with some fans, not mine. Finding a small sheltered corner, I chose that as my area for the night to get ready. My stylist brought in some clothing for the guys and I chose from, I waited until the others had picked theirs to grab what was left for myself. A black nirvana t-shirt with small holes scattered mostly on the shoulders and fresh pair of black jeans. Quickly I threw that on, making sure that with each movement my bracelets did not move on my arm exposing my cuts.

“Luke c’mon! We gotta go play sound check.” Calum says as Michael and Ashton leave the room.  
“Do I really need to?” I ask him as I slowly build the strength to get up.

“Yes Luke, I wouldn’t make you if you didn’t really need to be there. We sorta really need our lead singer, plus it isn’t the same without you” Calum replies as he comes over to grab my hand.

He walks with me hand in hand to the door that leads out to the stage, letting go as he reaches for his bass and my guitar, which he hands to me. Seconds later Michael appears with Ashton standing a few strides behind him. Our manager gives the signal for us to go onstage, and all four of us run out there.

For sound check we begin with a cover of Teenage Dirtbag, a fan favorite. Everyone who is already in the venue sings along with us. Then we preform ‘Heartbreak Girl’, which goes over well except Michael managing to break one of his strings causing us to pause the song for a moment as a crew member hands him his other guitar. The third song is ‘She Looks So Perfect’. As the song comes to an end, the four of us make our way backstage again. This time I am stuck behind Ashton as we walk down the hallway.

“Luke pickup the pace” Michael says as he make his way past me. I just roll my eyes at him, and continue walking at the pace I was going at.

When I finally reach the dressing room I find the other guys sitting by each other laughing and joking. Until they see me. That is when the room falls eerily silent as I make my way over to the corner.

“Mikey, why don’t the two of us go and find something to snack on” Calum says as he grabs ahold of Michael’s arm, apparently too tight causing Michael to make a sound of discomfort. Nonetheless a minute later the two of them are out of the room, leaving me with Ashton.

A few minutes pass by before any noise comes from inside this room. With the sound of the air conditioner starting up, breaking the silence. Ashton takes this as an opportunity to speak up.

“That was a great sound check we had” he says with a lack of emotion, something he usually always has.

“Yeah it was” I reply back with a fake grin, before I look away toward the ground.

Thankfully, Calum and Michael return carrying with them each four RedBulls. Ashton and I are both handed two, and I chug both of mine down quickly. For the next hour as our opening act preforms, I listen to music while texting my dad and brothers back home. Promising all three of them that I would play my heart out tonight, since they are with me in spirit.

“Five minutes until show!” my mum says peaking her head around the door to the dressing room. All of us say thank you to her for the reminder and dispose of our garbage. I text my family back home a quick “love ya guys, show time!” and make my way out toward the stage door. My mother hands my guitar to me, and the door is opened. Ashton runs out on stage, followed by Michael, then Calum, and lastly me. A crowd of two thousand fans screams loudly as we begin the show.

***

We play the first few songs, and I put forth my best effort. Nodding my head through, playing the chords like knowing the back of my hand. Calum waved me over to his side a couple of time to whisper me words of encouragement to keep going. Behind me Ashton is apparently playing the show of his life, going crazy on the drums. He even managed to break his bass drum once again. No matter how much I want to, I can’t stop wondering about how Ashton is really doing. He is one to hide emotions, and with him playing “the show of his life”, beating the hell out of his drum set. I take it he most likely hates me now.

As we finish playing Heartache on the Big Screen, Ashton begins to play some impromptu tune on the drums. The fans go wild as he constructs what I label ‘Luke You Are an Asshole’. It consists of lots of banging and even Michael looks over at me scared. I’ve fucked up.

After Ashton finish his short masterpiece, we all start on Lost Boy. Which happens to be one of my favorite songs of ours. At this point of the night, I decide that maybe trying to enjoy it would be best.

 

_I've gone from place to place_   
_Trying to bring you back_   
_I've walked for days and days_   
_'Cause I can't face the fact_   
_That nothing is better than you_

Getting into the song, I begin moving around quite a bit. Jumping around and playing around with Calum and Michael, I just completely let loose and forget the problems going on in my life. Continuing to songs we approach upon my favorite part.

 

_'Cause without you I'm a lost boy_   
_Without you I'm a lost boy_

While singing that part, I turn around to face Ashton. We lock eyes, causing me to stutter as I sing the next line. He gives a small grin as he continues to play the drums. Which not going to lie made my heart flutter even when I am supposed to be angry at him. Before I turn around, Ashton sings the next line staring directly at me.

_'Cause without you I'm a lost boy_

Leaving me confused as to what just happened, I struggle to complete the next few songs before we go in for the short break before encore.

***

The encore goes as smooth as it possibly can, considering what happened earlier being fresh on my mind. I only messed up a couple of my lines, which Calum thankfully played it off as me being flustered by him. When it was time for our final bow, unlike our typical lineup I was sandwiched between Calum and Ashton. Just having Ashton’s arm resting across my shoulders gave me the familiar feeling of being complete, something I did not expect at all.

Now as we walk off stage toward our dressing room, Michael and Calum choose to take off. Leaving me standing in the middle of the room with Ashton, who immediately upon entry stripped himself of his shirt. Since we still haven’t resolved our argument from last night, I try my best not to look at his body.

“So tonight was a fun show” Ashton says as he continues to strip himself further. He is now standing in only his boxers.

“Yeah it was” I reply back, trying not to sound flustered from the sight of Ashton’s toned body.

The room falls silent again as we both continue to strip down. Ashton heads off to take a shower first, leaving me with the option of joining him in the huge open shower or stand here naked drenched in my own sweat. A quick look down at the cuts I made last night makes me decide on the latter.

Waiting for Ashton to exit the shower feels as though an eternity has passed by. Twenty-three minutes before he finally walked out, with his towel wrapped around his waist and beads of water trickling down his body. He smiles over at me as he bends down to grab his pile of clothing to put on down, letting the towel drop lower exposing the top of his ass. One of the many parts of him I can sink my fingers in as the two of us made sweet love.

Shaking my head to get out of the trance I was in, I grab my clothes and towel before running toward the shower. Thankfully, Ashton left the watering running for me. The hot water as I enter the shower gives me goosebumps due to the quick change in temperature. As I put my towel down on the dry shelf, now leaving me completely exposed, the sound of someone walking grows louder.

Before I am able to turn around on my own, Ashton has quickly spun me around pinning me against the wall.

“Do you know how hot you were on stage tonight?” he whispers in my ears seductively. Low groans escape my mouth as Ashton’s left hand makes its way down to my bulge.

“Aw Lukey boy, you enjoying this?” he whispers again in my ear, this time while making a quick tug on my dick. A loud moan flows out of my mouth as I try to struggle to gain composure.

“Mhm” is all I can get out of my mouth as my knees begin to go weak at the palming Ashton is doing to me.

“Too bad Luke” he says as he stops what he was doing and walks over to the showerhead that is running. “I haven’t forgotten about our argument last night you slut… my slut I meant to say”.

Not knowing exactly how to handle this situation, my first instinct is to grab my towel and leave the shower without actually taking a shower. I mean I can always take one later. So as I begin to walk out, a hand grabs ahold of me.

“Where do you think you’re going Lukey? I’m not done with you” Ashton asks this time sounding quite angry which frightens me. Whenever Ashton’s temper begins to buildup, he usually will take off somewhere on his own so that I don’t have to see that side of him.

“Um I-I wa-“ before I can complete my sentence, Ashton forcefully slams his lips against mine. We make out for a couple minutes before he pulls away.

“Don’t ever walk away from me again, got it? I’m going to fuck you so hard in here that whomever took your virginity will never even compare to me. Their name and that fucking night with them will never come back into your head. Anytime you go to think of it the memory of what is going to happen in here will flash through your mind. You’re mine Hemmings, mine and mine only. Got it?”

I nod my head, causing him to tug at my dick harder than the last tug he gave.

“Say it Hemmings fucking say it”

“Yes Ashton, I’m yours and only yours. I’m ready for whatever you’re going to do to me, I deserve it all” I say almost inaudibly. I close my eyes waiting for Ashton’s first move.

Not even seconds after I finish replying I am pinned against the wall again, this time with Ashton pinning my arms above my head making it so have no control. He presses his lips harshly against mine, causing a small gasp to escape my mouth. Slowly he makes his way down to my neck, beginning to suck on a spot, which he knows makes me go completely weak under his touch. Sucking harder than he has ever before, I’m pretty sure he has even drawn blood from me.

Ashton continues making his way down my body leaving various hickeys on my torso, including bite marks. I bite my bottom lip struggling to keep moans in. I’m successful until he reaches my dick, licking the tip. My back arches and a moan escapes my mouth stopping Ashton from continuing with what he was doing to me.

“Lukey boy are you enjoying this?” he asks me while he takes his own dick into his hand making a few slow tugs.

“mmhm” I hum in response watching as Ashton continues playing with himself.

“Alright, good then you’re going to enjoy what’s coming next for you” he replies back followed by a deep dark chuckle. “Stay here, no touching yourself I will be right back”.

Doing as I’m told I remain standing put, resisting the urge to bring myself to a state of relief. A couple minutes later Ashton walks back into the shower carrying a small object in his right hand. As he gets closer to me I notice it is something he barely ever uses on me.

“Come here my little slut, I’ve got a present for you. Put your hands behind your back as I put this on you” he says as he reaches for my dick. Doing as I’m told, I keep my hands behind my back as he slips the cock ring onto me. After he finishes getting it on me he has me turn around facing the wall.

His bare hand strikes me hard on my arse unexpectedly. Repeating this fifteen more times, Ashton finally stops as my knees begin to buckle causing me to rely on my arms to keep me from collapsing to the floor. My arse is in complete and utter pain quite possibly bleeding too.

Allowing me time to regain some composure, Ashton decides to kiss me once again with his tongue forcing entry into my mouth. Our tongues entwine, making Ashton for the first time tonight moan. We continue making out for a few minutes, until his hands find their way to my hole probing their way around the entrance. Once the top of his right index finger slips in he pulls away from the kiss.

“Suck on these” and with that two of his fingers from his left hand find their way into my mouth. As I work on getting them coated up with saliva, Ashton sucks on my neck most likely leaving another mark on my body.

After what feels like an eternity, he finally pulls his fingers out of my mouth. Which almost immediately are slipping into my arse. A loud gasp then moans leaves my mouth as the two fingers are forced into me knuckle deep causing a feeling of being torn open to linger. Holding them still, Ashton chuckles as he watches me fall apart under his touch.

“Little sluts don’t deserved to be properly prepped, you’re lucky I even decided to prep you at all”.

“Ash p-please” I struggle getting the words out of my mouth. I need him to move his fingers. When a few more seconds pass by with him continuing to hold them still, I take matters upon myself and thrust my arse forward and back down onto his fingers. Doing this three times before Ashton pulls his fingers away.

“Bad Luke. You’re supposed to do as I tell you, because of that you aren’t getting anymore prep” Ashton says harshly in my ear lining the tip of his dick up with my entryway.

Slowly he inches his dick into me, while having his left arm rested on my back forcing me to stay pinned to the wall making it so I can’t thrust back onto him. Moans escape from both of our mouths, as he finally is balls deep inside me. Placing a kiss to the back of my neck, Ashton slowly pulls out of me and thrusts back in. Building up a steady pace while sucking on another spot, this time on my shoulder.

I can’t help but allow loud moans and strings of “Ash harder more” flow out of mouth while my breathing becomes irregular. If it wasn’t for the cock ring being on me I would have came by now.

Ashton’s thrusting picks up speed, becoming unsteady and rough. He is basically slamming himself into me with all the strength he has. Which begins to hurt.

“Hurts” I whimper, hoping it will make him go easier on me.

Instead he manages to pickup speed, thrusting at that pace until his breathing quickens and lets out short moans with the words “god you’re so tight babe”. Each time he hits my prostate, the feeling in my lower stomach builds up even more. Causing my dick to harden even more as I hear my boyfriend reach his point of climax, squirting seven strings of cum into me, filling my arse up like he never had before. Staying still with his dick rested inside of me, and his left arm now wrapped around my body while his right arm is pressed against the wall holding him up, he sloppily kisses the area behind my ear. As he takes a deep breath and pulls himself out of me, he whispers, “I love you” into my ear.

“Babe let’s take care of you now, turn around”. I do as told, turning around allowing my dick to bounce upward, instead of it being forced down from being pressed against the wall. Ashton carefully removes the cock ring with a bit of struggle due to how hard my dick is currently. Once it is off, he makes his way to his knees. Taking my tip in his mouth, his licks up the tiny beads of pre-cum, which had managed to squeeze their way out while the cock ring was on.

After he finishes lapping all of it up, Ashton slips about an inch of me into his mouth working wonders with his tongue. Once he is satisfied with that amount he continues slipping more and more into him, until he officially balls deep. Meanwhile he begins to roll my balls around in his right hand, massaging them. Luckily my back is pressed to the wall which is the only thing keeping me upright.  
Moans and cries of pleasure continue to escape me, while all of the composure I once had leaves me. Succumbing to Ashton’s touch my moans are replaced with quickened breaths and screams of “AshAshAshhhh” as I cum right into his mouth. My orgasm feels like it never will end, because of how much intensity I’m feeling and amount of cum my body is releasing. This is certainly the best orgasm I have had in my lifetime.

When it is over with I find myself opening my eyes back up to Ashton smiling at me. He has a small drop of cum dripping from the side of his mouth, which he laps up before I can say anything.

“How was that?” he asks grabbing my hand leading me over to the shower which is still thankfully running with semi warm water coming out.

“Perfect” I reply as Ashton takes the bar of soap he used earlier and begins to scrub my body off. Being careful around my private parts since they are still sensitive, and may be for days after the orgasm I had.

“Good, I was hoping you would say that. You know I love you right?” he asks while he continues washing my body while rinsing his off with the running water. I find my arms wrapping themselves around his body. Making him stop and now focus on me.

“I love you too Ashton. No one ever has shown me as much love and care as you have in my life. You’ve given me the best ten months a boy could ask for. I’m sorry for not telling you what I withheld from you, but you tonight certainly topped that experience by a landslide”. My lips gently attach themselves to his, while feeling a smile form on his face.

We make out in the showers until Michael screams out looking for us, walking into the shower only to run back out screaming “my eyes my motherfucking eyes!” causing both Ash and I to laugh.

Even with how much I dream of being normal sometimes, I could never change this life for anything. I have all I could have ever asked for. A beautiful boyfriend, two of the greatest best friends in the world, and a career that I’m still finding hard to believe is real. This is my life, and I’m no longer a lost boy. I’m complete in the arms of my boyfriend.


End file.
